Dinner: The NEW War Zone
I have sat at my computer to write this post several times but never done it. And then this week I have read several posts and talked to several other friends who are currently fighting the same battle and thought I would share and ask your opinion.
The topic: Toddler Eating Habits
In my case, our son has always been a pretty good eater. In some ways. At our one year appointment the doctor pointed out that he should be eating what we are eating or at least heading that direction. Not so much. It isn’t that he is not eating well, he loves pretty much all fruits, vegetables, yogurt, cheese, bread and crackers. He just rarely eats meat or the food that we are eating for that matter.
He insists on eating with a fork and spoon. Always. No exceptions. His main problem seems to be that he doesn’t want to get his hands dirty. However, he hasn’t quite mastered the fork and spoon making what we are eating a bit difficult.
Then, this last week, all of a sudden the foods which were our “go to” foods in time of exaserbation became largely unacceptable. And again we began playing the “what does Isaac want for dinner” game? I HATE this game.
I finally decided that we would offer what we were eating or my selected choice for him for the meal and if he didn’t like it or refused to eat it he would just go without until the next meal. (Don’t worry he gets milk and we closely monitor this). Yep, that didn’t really work. He just didn’t eat very much. Hmm?
Then over Thanksgiving I was talking with my cousin who also has a 1 year old and she is struggling with the same thing. I spoke with a friend last evening who said that I would be “happy to know” her kid that will eat ANYTHING decided he doesn’t want meat anymore. Then another friend posted this story.
It is definitely nice to know I am not alone but what in the world is happening here? Are taste buds just now forming? Is it an independent stage? Are they testing us? Is there something in the fall air that is making toddler stomachs around the world go dormant?
I know in several cases with these women they HAVE to worry about their children’s weight because they get harrassed by doctor’s looking at percentiles and questioning feeding habits. So how do you make sure the child gets enough to eat, not over indulge their pickiness and still keep your sanity?
I would love to hear what you all have to think or what you experienced at this stage with your toddler?
don’t worry! they will go thru it…..just hang in there! Our “go-to” food was a piece of toast with a slice of American cheese slightly melted on top – then cut into manageable pieces for our children… just keep offering the foods, they will come around!
Ohhh, I feel your pain. My son will only eat bread, chicken nuggets (cringe), Pringles (CRINGE), and cookies. Noticing a pattern? Crispy and brown. We try something new every night, and he is a skinny monkey, so the pedi says just feed him what he will eat. He drinks about 2 gal of milk a week, though…
Completely understand!! My oldest went through a phase of only eating PB&J or Chicken nuggets. That was it! The doctor said that it was ok as long as I kept trying to give him other foods and supplemented his diet with nutritional drinks. I of course felt like I was a terrible mother!! He finally grew out of it (albeit he was 4 when he finally started eating what everyone else ate) My youngest who is going to be two in a couple weeks is going through it now. He wont eat much either. He used to eat everything!! So now I have to sneak vegetables into what he will eat. Like cauliflower in mashed potatoes, or broccoli and baby spinach into spaghetti sauce. (Pureed of course. Used the sneaky chef recipes.) I keep trying to give him other foods but so far he still wont eat them. Just keep trying is my advice since it is what worked before and hopefully will again for me.
My pediatrician said not to worry. It’s a good day if a toddler eats well at one meal and otherwise just to try and not stress about it.
I have a hard time knowing when to “push” my 2-year old to take another bite or sit longer. It’s frustrating when she specifically asks for a food and then doesn’t want it after all.
I haven’t been there, done that (yet), but I’ve heard from other people exactly what Stephanie said. I’ve heard that their tastebuds will suddenly change, but it’s just a stage and they do come back around to eating “everything.” My friend’s toddler ate 2 hands of bananas/week, then one day stopped cold turkey b/c they didn’t want any. It was a tastebud stage thing that eventually passed.
We’re working on a similar issue – my just-barely-three-year-old likes all the foods we eat, but she’s decided lately that she would rather PLAY than EAT. So when a very generous amount of time has passed, with us asking her constantly to take bites, we declare that meal to be over. She throws a fit while we remove her from the table and begs to be allowed to eat – but we tell her that she needs to eat during meal times. We have had to monitor snacks more closely, of course, because she gets hungry faster… but when she goes to bed, we keep a snacktrap of crackers and a sippy of water there for her… I have to say that the meal after a forcible removal, she eats quickly, eats a TON, and thanks us for the meal. =) We’re hoping this phase won’t last much longer – it’s only been a few days that it’s been really bad.
I think that she’s picking up on all the stress / busy-ness around here as we’re leaving soon for a week long trip, and the craziness of Christmas…
My number one rule of thumb when it comes to “food fights” is to remember that if they’re hungry, they’ll eat. And if there’s no other option than when / what you provide, they’ll eat that. Willingly.
I hear ya!!! I have an 18 month old & meals can be difficult sometimes. On the advice of her Ped I give her about 4-6ozs of V8 Fusion each day. It’s all natural fruit & veggie juices which provide the vitamins & nutrients when she refuses her veggies. She eats her fruits well though.
Regarding the meats. Yep – not a meat eater over here either! I give her some of those Earths Best Chicken Nuggets. I then douse with Organic Ketchup! Anything in ketchup she’ll try! If she gets down one nugget its a victory!
Our go to anything is cheese for protein. She’ll always eat cheese & Yobaby Yogurt.
Our Ped promises that these are texture issues and with encouragement from us & continous opportunities to try the foods they refuse – they’ll grow out of it… hopefully!
I feel your pain! I never know from day to day what Nugget will eat. What worked yesterday WILL NOT work today. She keeps telling me she wants to eat, then purses her lips and shakes her head “No,” at every offering. I really thought they were supposed to be older (as in >2) before this started but glad to know I’m not the only one with a picky(?) one year old. I’m not even sure if she’s being picky or doesn’t really know what she wants. Maybe it will be easier when she can say more than “Eat.” Sometimes I think it is her go-to word because she can say it.
I already have the “war zone” going on with my 8 month old. She will eat fruit and cereal (hates veggies), but pretty much cries the whole time even when feeding her the things she “likes”! I dont know what to do. I know she is getting most of her calories from breast milk, but I still really worry about her gaining weight, especially since she is on the small side.
I have never ever cooked “just” for the kids. They eat what we’re eating. Period. Do they always eat it? Nope. But I have found that when they are really, truly hungry, they’ll eat whatever I put in front of them — even if it isn’t something they would normally eat. We do have the problem of asking for a food, me making it and then they won’t eat it. Drives me CRAZY! Now I just refuse to make anything I don’t want to eat myself.
The one issue I do run in to is my 3 year old refusing to eat and then we have to go somewhere and she does get hungry. And cranky. And impossible. I try to keep fruit handy for those occasions, but it is still a major pain!
Our oldest will be 10 tomorrow. As a toddler she ate very well, but today she is super picky.
So for us, the trend is reversing with her!
As long as a kid is still growing and reaching his or her milestones, don’t make a big deal out of not eating. Make mealtime enjoyable and offer healthy foods, but don’t push. If the kid is picky, make sure there is at least one food he or she likes at the table but offer other healthy foods. Kids eat when they’re hungry. I know of a lot of kids that will eat a lot for 1 day, then the next couple of days will just pick at their food. Your job is to make sure that healthy food is available and the child’s job is to eat when he or she is hungry. If your doctor is concerned about your kid’s weight, you will know it, but often kids eating will slow down after a year. As for playing instead of eating, we had one that did that and we made him sit at the table until we were done, whether or not he wanted to eat, when he realized he had to sit there anyway, he’d usually eat.
I have the same issue as laurel… my 2 1/2 year old does not like sitting at the table for mealtime anymore. He used to be the best eater, devouring anything and everything in sight, but lately it has really been a challenge to get him to sit at the table long enough to put two bites into his mouth! It’s very frustrating, but I keep telling myself that my daughter went through this phase as well and that “this too shall pass.”
A couple of strategies my husband and I have been working on to keep Jake at the table is to either 1)read him a story at the table after we have finished our meals to keep him there and 2) let him have his fun until he gets bored with running around and too hungry. We do have an issue with #2 though because our 5 year old daughter likes to voice her opinion about how “fair” it is that Jake gets to run around while “eating” and she doesn’t. *Sigh* I was somewhat hoping that the amount of snacks he had before dinner was affecting this, but we tried to give him less and it didn’t have any effect. 
My kids are 3.5 and 20 months, and my experience is that EVERY toddler goes through this, and it just gradually gets better as they get older. I ran into a mom at the park recently who had one 9 month old and she was commenting about what a great eater he is. But I thought, most 9 month olds are good eaters, wait until he’s 15 months to make such claims!
My sister-in-law recommended a book called Coping with the Picky Eater that has general rules of thumb about helpging your kids be good eaters. One of the biggest things that it helped me understand is that if they don’t eat much, that’s ok! They don’t need to eat very much at this age. And presenting the food over and over, even if they don’t eat it, is important. Sometimes my kids will only eat a few bites for dinner, and I don’t sweat it. They are gradually eating a wider variety of foods. So just keep pressing, and try to provide one thing you know they like at each meal. That’s what has worked for us.
I am having the same problem! Amelia has always been on the tiny side and our doc is always bringing us in for weight checks which worries me, because I’m afraid they are going to accuse me of not feeding her or something! She’s extremely picky…used to love chicken and now refuses all meat. She loves cheese and yogurt but that’s not enough. What’s worse is I have a really hard time getting her to drink anything but water. She isn’t taking to milk very well and refused to drink Pediasure. I dread meal time
) Hang in there! Hopefully our tots will grow out of this really soon! I wish I had some advice to give…
Oh, I did read that because toddlers are so picky about what they eat at this stage, to look at what they are eating on a weekly basis, rather than daily…since one day they’ll eat well and they next day they might not. Maybe that will help ease your mind a bit?
Yep, we’re dealing with the same stuff with our almost 14 month old daughter. She ate almost everything and now, not so much. The only way I can get meat in her is from the baby food jars of meat and veggies. She likes to eat with her hands though and hasn’t tried much to use her spoon or fork on her own. She is a tiny little thing too so I am nervous about her gaining weight. She likes to eat lots of little meals during the day though so I feel like I am feeding her all the time!
Not to this stage yet, but I read before that a child has to try a new food 24 (or so) times before they actually taste it and make a decision of like/dislike.
There is also something to be said for the instinct at this age to only eat what is familiar (like chicken nuggets, or ketchup. Both are easily recognizable). It USED to be to keep them safe from eating things that would be poisonus when they are at an age of exploration.
I’m rambling… sorry,I read too much! Keep trying, that’s the ticket! The whole sneaky-chef thing sounds good too fo rgetting more nutrition in them.
We had the same problem of our son weeping when we fed him things we knew he liked. We finally figured it out that we weren’t feeding him fast enough, and that he was too hungry when we were feeding him. He didn’t like veggies either.
About the meat problem – we have a 4 year old and 17 month old. The 17 month old won’t eat anything that requires lots of chewing. Anything containing ground meat is gobbled up, but part of a roast or a chicken breast will be turned away. So, casseroles and pasta dishes are big hits here.
The 4 year old didn’t eat meat for a while, but I’ve heard of other toddlers who did this. Try the fake meat (vegetarian/vegan) products (Boca, Morningstar Farms). We ate fake meat burgers as substitutes and still love the fake meat corn dogs. They are very healthy and there are recipes where you can make your own black bean burgers, brown rice burgers, etc.
The grandmothers on both sides have type 2 diabetes. My husband and I worry that our children could develop this disease and try our best to provide a well balanced diet. It’s so hard in a carb and sugar laden world!
An article I recently saw in Parents said that kids follow the parents on what they eat. If you aren’t/don’t eat veggies and fruits, chances are your kids won’t either. It made a lot of sense to me.
My 3-year old has always been a wonderful eater. She is in the 100th percentile for weight and 150th percentile for height, but recently she has pretty much given up supper. This used to be unthinkable. Daycare says that she hasn’t been eating anymore there than normal and that she eats as usual. Daycare did inform me though that yesterday she had 4 pieces of pizza and 2 breadsticks. I think the girl was hungry! Of course…she didn’t eat last night. I don’t get worried about it. She will eat if she is hungry and if she isn’t hungry, so be it. I know she is healthy and getting what she needs.
Exactly what I’m going thru with my 13 month old Lucy. Glad to know I’m not the only one!
Breakfast and lunch are geared towards foods my girls eat. Veggie burgers, hot dogs, soup, fish sticks, pancakes, etc. For dinner, they get whatever I make for myself but I always make sure that there is pasta of some sort available. They may only eat a bite or two of the main entree, but then at least they have buttered noodles to fill in. That way I’m continuing to put new flavors in front of them, while still making sure they’re getting calories.
Same here. Our 2yo is in one of those stages. If it’s not a hot dog (we only buy Hebrew National, at least!) or chicken nugget, he just about won’t eat it. The doctor said don’t worry about it, but it is very aggravating. You can tell it affects their behavior, too, when they don’t get a balanced diet.
I do feed him vitamins daily, which makes me feel better…a chewable multi, an extra C, and gummy omega 3s.
I have a 4 1/2 year old and a 13 month old. My daughter is the world’s pickiest eater and even as an infant had texture issues. Almost every meal is a battle with her. With my son, when he was around 9 months I began serving him a puree of what we had for dinner and after he was done, he would get it in finger food form. For the most part, he’ll eat anything although the other day I had to give him a jar of 3rd stage and he was spitting out the chunks. I thought it was because it was jarred food, but today I apparently did not puree the lasagna enough because he was pulling the bits of noodle out of his mouth. However, he couldn’t cram them in his mouth fast enough when they were on his tray cut up.
As for my daughter, once she got to be past two, we set some limits when it came to meal time. She gets what we get and if she chooses not to eat, then that’s it. If it is something I know she likes, she is expected to eat most, if not all of her serving as we don’t put huge portions on her plate. If it’s something she hasn’t had, she has to take at least 2 bites and try it. Today she refused to eat the lasagna that was served at 1 p.m., so that was it until dinner. I just console myself by saying some day she’ll have just like her. We do try to supplement in other ways, like the V8 Fusion Juice, etc.
As for your son, like all kids he is testing and exploring. Part of it is genuinely not liking something, part of it is pushing buttons. Also keep in mind that kids are sensitive to change, so the fact that a new baby was imminent when this started and coincided with his age, is something to take into account. Our pediatrician told us that kids get what they need over the course of three days, so don’t panic if they go a day without eating much, it will balance out.
Good luck.
I’m late posting, but I just discovered your site:) I had the same issue with my first child (a daughter). She was a great eater and then suddenly she turned on us. I will tell you what’s helped us…the division of responsibility in feeding. You could read more about this on my blog. I have made a few posts on this topic. My most recent post has links to other possibly helpful posts.
http://nutritionandwellnessbytes.blogspot.com/2010/01/toddler-and-child-nutrition-food-jags.html