It’s My Blog and I’ll Cry If I Want To
You would cry too if it happened to you. . .
Okay, a little corny I know. And you probably head over here most of the time for great recipes and ways to fill up your freezer, not my endless ramblings. But as the title says, it is my blog so I will rant when I want to. . .
The other night after the $5 Dinners Cookbook signing myself and some other great bloggers headed over for a little late night dinner to finish the celebrating. I was talking to Kate and Laura. Specifically we discussed life with a blog. Okay, we discussed having a blog and it being therapy to the soul. But what happens when the soul is discontent bitter angry jealous weak worn out weary less than happy? Do you write then?
A lot of times I don’t write. Not because I don’t have those feelings but because my first goal for this blog is for it to be positive and up beat. I want to bring praise and not discouragement. And frankly, to protect myself and the family/friends I might hurt if I just went on sharing here all of the time.
The problem I see with that is that you don’t really ever see me in my moments of desperation and need. Instead you constantly see a well put together mother and cook who always seems to be enthusiastic, cheerful and some how manage to whip up some great cooking recipes, menus and posts on a regular basis.
Which brings me to today’s post. Last Friday was not a good day. In fact, I haven’t had a good Friday since my husband returned to work on a regular basis two weeks ago. I much prefer Monday’s these days. It seems that I am more well rested and ready to tackle the week. By Friday’s I am going stir crazy and ready to crawl out of my own skin.
This last Friday was no exception. I am pretty sure that my children were in cahoots to drive me mad. They succeeded. Isaac (17 months old) was nothing but whiny, whiny, whiny all day. Tessa (1 month) was fussy, fussy, fussy. Isaac seemed to be acting up and jealous of Tessa. He wasn’t being aggressive he just was super whiny and into things when I was feeding her. He also appeared to be very tired. He took naps but that didn’t even seem to help.
And Tessa. Well, I breastfed her and it seemed that was a mistake. Or at least was causing problems. She was very gassy and uncomfortable all day. This resulted in her being AWAKE most of the day.
I would just about get Tessa settled when Isaac would do something that demanded my attention. You know, like grabbing a plate of brownies off the kitchen counter while I was breastfeeding in the living room. Or of course, the one moment I turned away and he wanted me to turn the tv on so he threw the remote at me which ended up hitting Tessa in the head. Oh, that was a great moment. I yelled which scared him and scared me to see the sad face he displayed. Folks, it was pure sadness to send him to time out because he looked so disappointed in himself. It crushed me.
The whole day went on and on like this until 2:30 when my mental stability gave way to the tears. And as my son stood at the refrigerator crying for something that I couldn’t understand, and my daughter sat in her baby seat crying for I don’t know what, I put my head down on the table and began crying myself.
I kept telling myself that there were parents in Haiti that couldn’t find their children or didn’t have water to make formula or feed their children. That my whiny, fussy day was in no comparison. But it didn’t help. Believe me, I tried.
Most days I feel like a failure as a mom and as a wife. I enjoy doing things well. I don’t do being a parent to 2 children well. I like 1 child. I like one on one time. I don’t do groups well. I feel inadequate only being able to meet a few of each of their needs instead of all of one of their needs. I was good at being a parent to 1, I am mediocre at best with 2.
People (including you great readers) keep encouraging me that it gets better that it won’t always be this way. Most of you warned that my life would be like this being the mother of 2 children under the age of 2. However, some days are just plain HARD.
People have commented that they can’t believe I blog among all of this. I don’t know that I could do any less. It is therapy. It is a source of encouragement. It is my escape. I do it because I love it and because I need it. And I need you. The only thing other than prayer bringing me any source of sanity was my connection to others through social media. So thank you.
Now, I’m not writing this so that you will sing my praises in an effort to inflate my ego. (Although it might help. LOL.) I am writing because I want you to see that even type A personality, uber organized Tricia has mental breakdowns bad day too. And, what I could use from all of you would be some great encouraging scripture. As a wife and a mom, what are scriptures/passages that speak to you. You don’t have to write them all out either simply leaving the scripture reference will also encourage me to find myself in the Word each morning.
And thank you for listening. And reading. And in general, being a great place for me come and rest.
Oh, I can so relate! I am a type A recovering perfectionist whose recovery is challenged daily by multiple young children. Today is a good day (so far!) but I OFTEN have days like the one you’ve described. People sometimes have what they call their “life verse.” I, however, have a mothering verse: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9) I have memorized it, repeat it to myself, and pray it whenever I need encouragment to persevere. I also regularly acknowledge my weakness and inability before the Lord and pray that He will shower His grace and favor on my family and work in my children’s lives despite me! Okay, gotta go. I have one screaming at my feet as I attempt to type this!
I thought going from 1 to 2 was terribly, terribly hard! And mine were almost 3 yrs apart! And of course I still struggle, as you know. Just think of all the things your kids have because they have you as a mom – even when they have a tired, stressed-out, frustrated mom, they STILL have a mom that loves them, loves their dad, and loves the Lord. They got it GOOD!
As you know, part of my struggles the past 12 months have included anxiety. So one of my favorite verses is 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.”
Hang in there and let yourself be real!
It will get better. And they will get more used to each other. I just went through all that stuff and the younger is 3 months now.
Thank you for your wonderful blog and your heartfelt honesty.
I was so encouraged by your honesty and transparency today. As believers in Christ I feel we need to be more transparent in order to help others. We should not hide behind our smile, and lead others to believe life is not challenging. Your ability to share and share without fear has helped me, and others who will not comment here. Please know that your parenting is an amazing gift from God, and one that you would not trade. The entire Bible is encouraging for me…especially knowing that Christ feels like you feel towards us daily. Imagine the days we whine to Him, and disobey Him, and He still accepts us, loves us and calls us His own. Your children are blessed to have you as a mom and I am blessed to have you in my home through social media. Your work online has helped my household change for the better. You are appreciated and will be in my prayers. Thank you for all you do.
Since I’m not a “real” once a month cook, I am glad to hear what’s going on in your life. Even if – no, especially – if it’s the real, imperfect, gritty parts of life!
One verse that never fails to give me hope and encouragement is in Lamentations 3 about His mercies being new every morning.
My 2 boys are 16 months apart too. They are now 22 & 24, but believe me I totally understand! When I think back to those days, it was kind of a blur. (I worked full-time too) But believe me it gets better! And we often say that it is the best thing that we ever did, having them so close together … not planned!
Ok, so I don’t have 2 yet (I have a 2 and a half year old boy and one on the way) and I can relate to feeling like a great mom for one. But I remember that the first 6 months with my son where a little rough. Ok, they were very rough, and according to everyone else, I had an easy baby! I’m am just not that great with little babies! I feel terrible about that, but I do the best I can, and am thankful that my kids won’t remeber the first 6 months of there lives.
My second baby will be here in June, and I am nervous. But I will do the best I can and hope that my son isn’t one of those genious kids who has memories of before they are three.
When I am having a week like the one you are having, I ask my mom or other moms about their “bad mommie” weeks, so that I know I am not the only one who feels like this. Also, when I listen to the stories my mom tells, it’s nice because I don’t remeber what she is talking about, and if I do, I remember it differently.
I hope your week gets better. You are not alone, we are all there frequently.
I feel your pain. Many days I wonder what I’m doing trying to raise two kids because I feel I can’t give them all of me at the same time. When I’m stressed out by all of it, I’m always reminded that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. I also remember that He will not give us more than we can handle. Some days I feel I’m about at the point but He knows better than us where the breaking point is. When you survive the tough times, look back and see how much you’ve grown for having survived it.
Isaiah 12:2-6
2 Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.
3 Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.
4 And in that day shall ye say, Praise the Lord, call upon his name, declare his doings among the people, make mention that his name is exalted.
5 Sing unto the Lord; for he hath done excellent things: this is known in all the earth.
6 Cry out and shout, thou inhabitant of Zion: for great is the Holy One of Israel in the midst of thee.
[For those that are LDS (Mormon) this is also found in 2 Nephi 22.]
I love to read scriptures online at http://scriptures.lds.org/ when I’m sitting at the computer and need a little pick me up
They have the Old and New Testaments as well as the LDS books of scripture as well…
Thanks for letting us see your downs as well as your ups. I was laughing so hard reading this post (especially about the remote) NOT because it was really funny, but because it’s so true and like a page from my own life! We’re all living it together and thanks for sharing your sadness with us too…it makes it easier to bear it together.
Tricia thank so much for your honesty. I had a little “breakdown” myself this weekend about being a working mom so I guess its actually a little helpful to know that being a stay at home mom is just as tough!!!
Here’s a verse that I LOVE
Psalm 46:1
1God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,3 though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah
I have a lot of respect for working moms because I don’t know how you all do it! It is true that God does give us strength for all things. But yes, we too have a hard time.
1 Corinthians 10:13 “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
It’s always comforting to know that no matter how hard today is, God things I am capable of enduring it. Even better, when it starts getting too hard, He will make a way to escape so you can bear it.
Good luck!
I love Psalm 40:1-3 and lately Psalm 66:10-12 have gotten me through a lot! Be blessed and don’t forget to breathe!
As a mother of 5, 5 years old and under (God has humor, no?) I can tell you with all honesty this: you are not alone. The first 3 months with any new child are the hardest in many respects. HOWEVER, you are a blessed woman of God. And, crying your heart out as you realize your dependence on God in order to get through your days is beautiful to Him! He is your comfort and your guide. He gives you grace to carry on through the tears. He knew all you would (and will) struggle with as a mother, and still has chosen to give you the gift of new life, new birth, fresh starts.
Be still, and know that He is God.
Be strong, take heart, and wait on the Lord (Psalm 27). Quiet your days, forget the details of “home”, and let these first few months fall on a gentle spirit created by Him. In one year you’ll be amazed how fast it went by.
Thank you so much for the reminder that we don’t have to have it all together! This site is such a blessing to me and I appreciate the energy you pour into it.
In terms of verses I’ve memorized and repeat over and over as needed, these are my favorites:
Romans 4:17
Jeremiah 29:11
Galations 5:22-23
Exodus 10:2
Phillippians 4:8
You are an ambassador love to those in your family and countless women who read your blog. Whether things are good or bad I pray that the Lord would press upon your heart and tongue His truth. Love NEVER fails (1 Cor. 13:8).
May grace and peace be yours today,
Reagan
It is hard. Mine are 15m apart and after a c-section the first month home was really hard. For me the hardest part was that someone was always here. I’m an introvert and having someone who wanted to talk to me all the time was really tough. The girls both wanted me so there was only so much other people could do. Once everyone left and it was just me we found our pattern for the days but it was still rough. Just getting up and down stairs with 2 that young is tough! My youngest was, and still is, our least complicated child and for that I was extremely lucky.
Our oldest had colic and cried for 10 weeks straight when she was born and unless I was holding her. I don’t think I slept horizontally more than an hour or two a night most of that time. My mom’s best advice during that time was to get outside. When I asked her why, thinking there was some magic in the sunshine or something like that – she resonded that the crying won’t sound as loud out of doors.
And she was right. It was perspective. Getting in the stroller and going to the park did us both good. Of course, that probably won’t help y’all for a while since it’s brrr cold right now amd we’re all relying on Nick Jr. for indoor playtime help.
In the meantime it is your blog and you can use it how you want. Add a new feature – I call mine Mommy Rants. Of course, no one reads them:) but when I need to let it out or point out the absurdity of something that’s where I put it. You know, like a scrapbook.
I Peter 5:7 is a good reminder that God is there for us all the time and is waiting for us to tell him about all of our troubles. Just talk to God about it. Your prayers will never go unheard. God is there for us in our best and worst times and also to help us find strength.
All of your readers can easily see that you are a WONDERFUL mom who also works very hard to help others be their best. We appreciate all that you do!
I am SO THERE with you! There are days when I HATE being home with the kids and feel so guilty because I am so blessed to be here. I swear adding that second child and all the demands added 10 times more work. I agree that the end of the week is the worst. I just take the day off and don’t plan to get anything “accomplished”. I often go rent a movie Thursday night to watch on Friday during the day. It’s just mentally necessary for me.
My kids are 2.5 years apart (1 and 3) and I found once the baby was mobile and didn’t need me to feed him, things got way better! Just keep plugging through, but it will get easier (just as frustrating, but easier!).
I finally started listening to our local Christian radio station to help me try and stay positive. I put a radio in our kitchen and I turn it on every morning. It has helped tremendously!
That is some really great and practical advice. Friday as a day off. . .I’m going to work towards that one for sure!
You are not alone. Most days I have to repeat Galations 6:9 over and over.
And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
Lamentations 3:22,23
22 Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
I Pet. 5:7
casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
I have been memorizing from the Navigator’s Topical Memory System and it has come in handy!
Just remember you don’t have to do all things well. There are seasons of life. I am kind of struggling with my 3 under 4 right now as well. I find if I can keep a Bible open on the counter in my kitchen and just read snippets here and there it helps.
I just read the comment above mine who talked about Lamentations as well. It really is a great verse to repeat!
Phil. 4:13 and 4:19 are both great also. Isaiah 41:10
Thanks for posting! I love reading your blog and I like knowing that I am not the only one who has “those” days/weeks. I hate that you are going through it… but it’s comforting to me as a mom to know that other moms struggle and that I am not the only one who isn’t perfect.
This may not be the kind of verse you are looking for… but on the days when I want to lock myself in a room and cry for a while this verse helps me remember that to God I am his child.
1 John 3:1 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God!
All verses are good. . . I love reading what helps others out.
Romans 5:2+
“And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”
I like to say that when you finally reach the end of yourself, then the Lord can continue His perfect work in you..and remember, we don’t have to have enough strength…He has more than enough.
“I look to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth”
As Mary said, Thanfully ” His mercies are new every morning!!”
Thank you for continuing your blog even with days like this Friday described..will be praying for you!! Blessings!
Yay! You’re real!
We’ve ALL been there. I go to bed some days wondering why on earth God thought I would be the best mom for these children… but he did, and I am, and you are for yours.
First of all, I will praise you! My sister and I did our first OAMC session on Saturday using the December menu and we both LOVED it. We messed up a couple of times…but learned a lot and appreciated YOU more than anything! Our freezers are full and we are planning our next session using the January menu in a few weeks.
The verse that is good for me is about worry – which as moms we do a LOT! We worry about so many things with our kids! – I wonder what I have done to put my daughter in therapy as an adult! LOL
Matthew 6:25-27 (NIV)
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
Thanks so much for all you do! Praying for you! =)
Adjusting to two kids was hard for me too. Thanks for sharing.
I always try to remember in times of frustration–that this is all only temporary..the sleepiness nights etc and to enjoy it while it lasts. Just thing..the teenage years!
Again, thanks for sharing. You are not alone!
I definitely feel for you. I am a mom of 3 and my first 2 are 12 months apart. I often get stressed and need a mental break. Romans Chapter 8 always lifts me up when I need it. Breathe, walk away if you need too and definitely give yourself credit. It is tough and hard but the days they smile and give you hug make it all worth it. I often pray for patience for my children and know that God is good and he loves you.
“This too shall pass…” Close your eyes, repeat it about five times, take a deep breath, and repeat it again. You know as well as I do that there is no such thing as a perfect mother or wife. As human beings, we all have our faults. The great thing is that our children (and hopefully husbands)accept and love us as we are. I think it’s healthy for our children to see us during our weakest moments, why try to hide the fact from them that it’s okay to lose your cool every once in awhile? Wouldn’t we just create another generation of perfection-driven adults?
(A light at the end of the tunnel!)
Even though my children are more than 3 years apart, I have my rough days too. And lately they have been called “if the 2 year old screams ‘mommy’ one more time I may have to scream myself!” The kids are also starting to argue A LOT over toys and TV shows… which is something you may not have to deal with as much in the future because your children’s closeness in age.
Like your other readers, I think your transparency is fabulous. Social media has bright to life the fact that even when I go to my friend’s spotless house for a dinner party, I know not to feel guilty about my mess at home because her Facebook status earlier that day said that she spent TWO DAYS cleaning it up! Gone are the days when we felt the need to be as perfect as “so and so” because they seemed to just be able to do it all and do it well. We are so much smarter about who we envy and why because of being able to peek into each other’s lives… into their faults and know that they share the same struggles with perfection that we do.
At any rate, let yourself cry, throw a fit, whatever…know that you are not alone… and then focus on the positives, the good times and the good times ahead. Any child is a blessing… even if they make our hair turn grey!
You’re a wonderful mommy and you’re going to get the hang of this two-kid-gig in no time! Remember that no child needs you 100% of the time – and that it’s good for them to now have a sibling that they can lean on and depend upon for the rest of their lives… even if they don’t always seem to get along.
It is really hard to go from 1 child to 2. It is the HARDEST. We all have those days that we need to just walk away and cry it out. You have helped me thru mine lately with your prayers and words of support. You don’t know how much that meant to me. You will get thru this. I always tell myself what doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger. Some days I think it is a toss up. You will continue to be in my prayers also. If you need anything I am here.
Thanks for sharing! The verses I’ve been meditating on lately will be on my blog tomorrow but I’ll share them with you now. They are Pr16:9, 19:21 and James 4:13-16. It’s tough to blog with both discretion and honesty. I appreciate your post today–especially as I will be joining your world in 70 some days. I have also been told going from 1-2 was the hardest with kids and adding the 3rd was the easiest but being mentally prepared and actually living through something are 2 totally different things! Praying for you today!
Raising 2 is definitely hard. My 2nd was born 10 days before my oldest turned 2. It will and does get easier. 10 months into it and I am still going strong. What I rely on each day is going to the gym. While it is an expense, it does provide socialization for the girls, and mommy time for me and I even get to take a shower, something I wouldn’t get to do if I didn’t go! It will get better, and just keep reminding yourself that when they are older, say 3 and 5 that it will all pay off
Remember, if your baby is only one month old you are still dealing with hormonal issues, plus anxiety, also you might need to take some iron for a while. I spent years feeling exhausted, I used to take iron for a month after having a baby but eventually I had to take it for 6 months. I couldn’t believe the difference in my energy level, and if there is one thing you desperately need as a mon is energy, it helps you deal with everything so much better. Anyway, as far as a good verse, one of my faves is “all things work together for the good”, that is ALL things, yes, even this! Give yourself some time to recover from the delivery, and to adjust to your new situation. When all else fails, feed and change the baby, strap everybody in to their car seats and go for a drive, it may sooth everybody for a while (pack snacks/drinks if necessary). Finally, the one piece of advice that got me through one of my more challenging seasons was “tired mommy = cranky baby), get as much rest as you can and eat as well as you can. It isn’t rocket science, just the same old advice our grandmothers followed. God Bless! Karen (mother of eight)
Oh I have been there. I have had those days. My first two are 19 months apart and the 2nd one was the most difficult human I’d ever come into contact with. He still is. Add a 3rd baby to the mix 21 months later and I have felt exactly how you describe for a very long time now. I don’t remember only having two very accurately but I have been surrounded by the feelings of inadequacy for awhile. I finally learnt that dropping my standards to the bare minimum made feeling like accomplishing ANYTHING (a load of laundry? washing 3 dishes? anything) was a major bonus. It’s getting better. They’re now 4.5, 3, and 1 years old and I can see the sunshine again. We may never leave the house, but this is my new normal and I’m slowly learning to embrace the chaos.
just for the record, I think going from 2 to 3 was WAAAAAAAAAY harder than going from 1 to 2, and my third baby is an absolute JOY.
I completely missed the scripture request.
Hebrews 12:11: “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”
Timothy 1:5: “But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.”
Isaiah 66:13: “As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you …”
i can definitely relate! my kids are 12 months apart and NO ONE can prepare you for that. i am ocd organized and thought i was prepared, HA! i cried daily, usually when both were crying to be breastfed and you cannot do both at once. you feel like the worst person ever because you cannot attend to both of their needs at the same time. i prayed constantly for the patience and sanity to continue and not run screaming into the street. i had leave for 1 month and then worked at home and then went back full time when the baby was 3 months. the first year and a half was the hardest experience i have ever been through in my life – my biggest test to date. i truly believe the hardest part of everything was just letting go of what i thought “perfection” was to be!! once i accepted that things were okay just the way they were (even if the floor was dirty and toys were all over) everything else fell into place and this huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
my favorite scripture to help get me through is Psalms 94:18-19:
“When I said: ‘My foot will certainly move unsteadily,’ Your own loving-kindness, O Jehovah, kept sustaining me. When my disquieting thoughts became many inside of me, Your own consolations began to fondle my soul.”
You are definitely not alone. I was in a similar position this time last year when I had a very difficult 3 1/2 year old and a 2-month old. I think the reason some people feel this way is because they are organized, efficient, etc. and with children it can be such a challenge to have that, so you end up feeling like a failure. I had a similar guilt situation last week. I had a lousy day at work and thought “I want to be home with my family” but when I returned home my daughter was defiant, my son was whiny and my husband was grumpy and I ended up feeling guilty that I wasn’t happier while so many people were suffering.
I appreciate that you’ve taken the time to share your stories. I have been using your site a lot lately and love the recipes you’ve shared, but as a mom, I like to know I’m not alone.
First of all, kudos to you for being real! I do think it helps those of us who are trying to learn from your Type A skills to know that you are human and that you struggle, too.
I have 2 that are 22 months apart and I’m expecting a third, slightly larger gap. One thing a friend shared that I think is so true: it doesn’t matter if you have one kid or six kids: when there’s a newborn in the house, life is stressful. Babies are HARD, and they have such high demands that everything else in life, even parenting our toddlers, has to take a back seat. It isn’t you: have 2 kids 16 months apart is really tough on anyone. It WILL get better, and you WILL feel competant. We’ll all still have days when we don’t know what we’re doing, but none are as difficult as the newborn phase. Hang in there! And I agree, blogging keeps me sane, too!
Thanks for keeping it real and posting this. I’ve been having those days where I feel like the baddest mommy in the world. What a treat to read the comments and get some emotional and spiritual strength!
My boys are 18mos and 4 and they seem to know when to push you, but other times they know when they need to step up to the plate and act right. I’ve been sick the past few days and while the 4 y.o. is still whining, he’s stepped up in other areas and really helped me out (making me feel bad for needing the help of a 4y.o.!). He enjoys helping mommy though.
I hope you settle into your rhythm and routine, but know it takes some time. And sometimes that rhythm changes and the routine has to be changed…..
I empathized so much as I read your post. I knew that things were hard, but I truly appreciate your openness. I think the Lord led me to your site today. As I prepare to have our second any week now, I was so blessed to read not only your words but all of the responses as well. And it’s great to have all of these scriptures all in one place to reference. The verse that I rely on is Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” This verse is on a pillow that I use to support my legs when I sleep. I don’t have one of the big pregnancy pillows. This is just a 6″ x 10″ pillow. But though it is small in size it offers me comfort in more ways than one.
The other thing that has blessed me recently is playing kids worship music while I’m at home (which is all the time!) Grace loves it and actually the simple words and melodies bring me peace. I find myself either remembering songs from when I was a little girl or singing them around the house after the music is off. It’s a nice way for me to be “in the Word” without having to have anything actually in front of me.
Phil 4:13 I can do ALL things through Christ who strengtheneth me!!! Works for me!!
You’ve gotten lots of great feedback from this post and I can relate to you too — my kids are 2-1/2 and 6 months old, and I have had those days. It’s a relief to hear that everyone has “those days.” I try not to compare myself to other people, but recently I thought about blogging and worried about the time commitment, and thought, “Well, she can handle it with two kids at OAMM…” And you can handle it – and I could handle it if I decide to do it – but the bottom line is, there are rough days with kiddos, and sometimes a good cry is what it takes to get the mind back to that mind-frame of “one day they’ll be in school and I’ll have all the time in the world and I’ll miss these crazy times.”
I appreciate getting a 360-perspective on things — it feels insincere when people only put on a happy-face.
I think it perfectly fine to share your day with us however it goes. I used to think the same thing about my blog, that if it wasnt happy, then I shouldnt share it. But I found a huge release in sharing the bad days too. There are so many people out there experiencing the same type of frustrations, emotions and reality as I am. Feel free to stop by my blog to read about my life…. I posted on New Years Eve a poem related to my abuse as a child. And I have felt so much better since. http://iamsimplysarah.blogspot.com
As a mom, it is ok to feel as you did. I have two kids also and there are days I put them in their rooms and go to mine to cry. And its ok.
I had my first day with daddy back at work today. Granted my older child is now 2 (barely) but I admit I had about 4 breakdown crying fits today. If it doesn’t get better in the next 2 days I am getting me some happy pills. Not because I want to be happy, but because I want to be sane. If I blogged about my day it would include “then the toddler crumpled on the floor/street/parking lot and cried” many many times. Between that and the blatant attacking of the baby, its been a long day.
I am so grateful for all the freezer meals I have thanks to doing the December menu though. Thank you Tricia! They make at least part of my life bearable. Now if only I were able to do a once a month house cleaning without living in squalor.
Wow! You really can relate very closely. Sounds like we have two the exact same age. I hope it gets better for you too and that you can draw strength from the verses listed here.
This isn’t scripture but as a mom of grown up kids it doesn’t only ring true as a mom but in just about any situation. I am living with lupus, a chronic illness and it works in that situation also. Tomorrow will be another day..just keep reminding yourself of this. It’s a little tongue in cheek but it brings you right back down to earth…
“When you are going through hell, keep going…”
Best wishes, my dear and there will be a day when you watch those babies graduate from high school that you can’t believe how fast the time slipped by. Hugs to you!!!
Carol in Indy
Oh my gracious… how my heart aches. I remember ALL of these feelings when my second child was born. I even felt bad because at that time the guilt wasn’t even stronger than the pure unhappiness I was feeling. I honestly felt like we had “gone and messed up a really good thing”. Before my 2nd child was born I LOVED being a mommy. I felt good at it. I was equipped and capable. If I was really honest with myself I would have seen I was prideful. But I wasn’t honest with myself for a few more years. My body finally was tired of being “at odds” with my type A personality and I came down with fibromyalgia. I am CONVINCED this was God’s way of shaking me to my core. I had a dear friend say that she was just a little bit glad that I had to slow down a bit… she was always afraid of her husband hearing how much I did in a day. I made her feel less capable. How terrible is that? I had another friend so glad to hear that now I would need to make sleep a priority. She said I always treated sleep like God handed me a beautiful present and I peeked at it and said, “No thanks.” and handed it right back with an air of smugness. I encourage you to cut yourself some slack. The perfectionist of the world (I’m including myself here) are much harder on ourselves and hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations. We also have a tendancy to hold those around us to those high expectations, too. I’m not saying you do that, but I found I really do and was not the treating my husband as the wonderful mate God had given me. Finally, I found that sometimes I operated in that Type A role out of fear…what would happen if I did let things go? Would it all unravel? I was holding on so tight to my life that it was causing my body real pain. I know view my fibromyalgia as a BLESSING from God. He knows me so well and knows that the minute I am not feeling a NEED for him, I get going on some other project or take on some other obligation and forget all about Him. I will leave you with this scripture and will be praying for you to feel at peace and hopeful that you CAN handle the 2 precious children in your life. Children are stressful, but they are meant to be enjoyed, too.
2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything; you may have an abundance for every good deed;
http://suddenlystayathome.blogspot.com/2009/11/you-get-as-good-as-you-give.html – Read MATTHEW 5:3-10 in The Message. I swear it was written for SAHM, at least for this SAHM!
I would also like to point out that you have been a parent to two children for all of a month. I don’t think that you can be bad at something after only a month of practice. I don’t even remember what I was doing a month into being a mom, but I didn’t have a CLUE and I didn’t have a 17 month old to try to take care of at the same time. I’m still trying to figure out the ONE 16 month old I deal with daily, never mind a new born in the mix. And the third baby- this blog- which is your middle child and pretty darn amazing for it’s age! Hang in there!
I’ve never commented here before, but this post really touched me today. I’m spiritually struggling with an issue of my own at the moment. In mid-November I had a miscarriage of our 3rd child. The end of December, a close friend of mine had a miscarriage. I found out today that my brother and sister-in-law are going through a miscarriage right now. I have no idea what God is doing and I’m really hurting. It’s so good to see someone else being honest about the struggles. Thank you so much for that! I have written down some of the verses and comments to encourage me right now also. Thank you again!
The two daughters that God has blessed me with so far are 19 months apart and are now almost 4 and a little over 2. It was hard and sometimes still is and I can COMPLETELY relate to feeling like I had it all down as a mother of one and completely blew it as a mother of two. It just showed me so many more areas where God needs to work in my life and I need to let Him. For the record, I learned after having my second, that my first was a very compliant and easy child and it had NOTHING to do with my mothering to begin with! Take that for a humble pill! The only verse that came to mind for you that hasn’t been mentioned is Ps 16:5-6. God sent it to me when I was struggling with some health issues last year and I was comforted by the thought that the Lord drew those boundary lines for me. They came from His hand and He says they are in pleasant places.
I am sorry to hear about your recent personal loss as well as the loss of those around you. I have several friends that have also been struggling through the loss of a child through miscarriage if you are looking for further community. Their blogs are Knitting In A Tree and Small Moments Captured. Thank you for sharing and for following the blog.
Thank you, Tricia. I checked out those blogs and they’ve been helpful to me as well. I just feel God’s love surrounding me this week. I had the best day today that I’ve had in quite a while. I’m so thankful for that.
So good to hear! I will continue to pray for your journey.
Remember the 7 principles of the Proverbs 31 woman. 1) pursue an ongoing personal relationship with the Savior, 2) love, honor & enrich the life of your hubby, 3) nuture your children, 4) create a warm & loving environment for family & friends, 5) be a faithful steward of the time & money that God has entrusted to you, 6) speak wisdom & faithful instruction as you encourage others and develop godly friendships, 7) share the love of Christ by helping the poor and opening your arms to the needy.
Reading your blog, it sounds as though you have incorporated these principles into your life. We all have rough moments, but you are on the straight and narrow path, where you need to be.
I recommend you visit http://www.proverbs31.org for more inspiration and encouraging words.
I had two children 12 months apart (definitely NOT planned). There were definitely tough days, but as they grew older, I was glad they were close. You’re a great mom, to 2 children. Thank you for your honesty and you will have many more “calgon, take me away days” before they are adults. You’ll get through them just fine. God will give you the strength and the wisdom to raise up your children.
Ephesians 3:16-21
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
Remember, you don’t have to do ALL things at exactly the same time. I had my older 2 in less than 2 years. My house was messy. My older one decided that napping wasn’t her thing anymore. I spent way too much at the grocery store because I was too tired to budget wisely and surviving the store with 2 was a struggle at best and sheer torture at worst.
Going from 1 to 2 is hard; you move from being in a one on one relationship with your child to the land of the Divided Mom. It is part of the mothering journey and it’s tough.
One thing that helped me immensely during this time in my life was a real life moms group; I can’t remember if you’re in MOPS or not. It made a big difference – the chance to get out with other moms in the exact same place in life as I was.
Ask for help if you need it – we’re here. And those mommy breakdowns are something we all experience but if you feel overwhelmed, call someone, hubs or a friend. You aren’t alone!
{hugs}
Just wanted to chime in. Adding a new baby to a family is just plain difficult for everyone! We had our 1st 2 14 months apart, and even though it was a great choice for our family, I often thought the whole thing was going to come off the rails. 2 things. Whenever both were crying, I’d laugh or something to myself, and say, ‘Now I’m really succeeding as a mother, you’re both miserable’. Next, you are currently teaching your children the 2nd most important lesson they can learn. The 1st is that they are so precious and so loved. The 2nd usually requires a sibling: The world does not revolve around you. Better to learn it early!
If you are looking for scriptural inspiration, the Parable of the Prodigal son is great! That father understands that he must fill the most immediate need first, then attend to his other child. You will have to decide what’s most important when they both need you, but parenting more than one child means that you learn that it can never be fair. Sometimes your newborn won’t get the great response time that your son got. Your son is no longer sole king of the household, a position he probably enjoyed. But a sibling is a lifelong gift to give to your child, so do your best, and it will be enough!
Hang in there! Mark 14:8
My fall back scripture – ALWAYS! is from Luke 1 — “For with God, nothing is impossible.”
Good luck!
Well I know exactly how you are feeling!! I have a boy and a girl who are 15 months apart (boy is older, girl is younger). There were many days where I really didn’t like having them so close together and truly missed the one child days. And the days just seemed to drag on and on. They are now 3 1/2 and almost 2 1/2. Yes, this season will get better and easier for you in time. Nowadays the weeks fly by with all the activities we are involved in (preschool, gymnastics, MOPS, early childhood class) and I wonder how it’s a new month every time. I think we all know parenting is NOT easy and no matter how old they get there is always a challenge, they just change to different challenges as they grow. Not to mention switching from one child to two IS a big deal!
And you are also dealing with all those body changes with your hormones which is not fun! My best tip is to find a group like MOPS that will give you some spiritual encouragement as a mom, as well as a little break a couple times a month while your son is in the nursery. I know it was the one thing I always looked forward to in those tough beginnings! Many prayers to you!
I had triplets and what kept me going was knowing that God never gives you more than you can handle. And by the way things to get better.
I can tell you’ve already been given lots of great advice, so … HUGS!!!!!!
{hugging you}
We had 3 of our 4 kids in 4 years. Transitioning from 1 to 2 kiddies was by far the most difficult part of those 4 years. Many experienced Moms I have spoken with say the same.
It does get better. I promise.
…and I’d just like to amend Anjie’s comment a little…. “God never gives you more than you can handle”… if you allow Him to be your strength.
I am so glad you shared! For you and for the moms out there going though the same thing. My children are now 7 1/2 and 5 but I can remember some of those days when they were very young when I felt so overwhelmed, ineffective, etc, etc. And honestly, some days now, aren’t a picnic either but I can send them to their rooms! : ) But really, I think it is good to share the bad; good for you and good for moms everywhere. Moms (especially new_-Moms) need to know about these things sometimes you get all great, beautiful, lovely stories and that is just not the case all of the time. Take care of yourself, even if it is only for a minute.
1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love one another deeply, for love covers a multitude of sins.
Thanks for sharing.
Clearly there are many with whom your story resonates! I have three boys 18 months apart, then 23 months apart. You will be amazed when you look back at what you become able to handle. After all, you learn to carry an elephant by starting when he’s a baby… 
I almost cried with you reading this. I see this directly in my future. I am 5 months pregnant and I have a 14 month old. Our personalities are similiar too so I know thats only going to make it tougher. I love schedules. I like sticking to the one I have worked out with my son. I don’t look forward to breaking it. When I am not organized or not on scheduled I tend to feel overwhelmed and have a breakdown. Being pregnant and having a very active little man has been a test…then when I look to the horizon I only see it getting more difficult. I know that it is true and one day it will get easier…but when your in the moment one day seems like its forever away. This post only makes you seem more amazing…but everyone deserves a good cry now and then…it cleans your heart. So when you have those days just cry….then pray and take a deep breath…put everything aside and start all over…its what I try to do…and it helps me.
Take notes from the great wisdom in the comments of this post. You will need it. And frequent here, I will be happy to give you some encouragement. And as much as you can in the next few months, enjoy your little man!
I struggle with the whole “keep the blog upbeat”, as my blog is really just about what’s on my mind. I recently had it brought to my attention that I was extremely “whiny” on my blog, and it made me stop and reconsider what I’m sharing with the world.
Thanks for sharing your heart. It’s okay to need the encouragement of others, rather than being the one doing the encouraging all the time. It’s human.
Proverbs 14 & 15 have been life-breathing to me as I hope they will be to you too! I am a mom of three, ages 3, 1.5 and 2 months. A mom of teenagers told me that the days are long but the years are short. Help us, Lord, to live for your glory in all that we do, in each diaper change and each moment of discipline. I pray we would live in Your strength each day you give us and that we would receive your mercy and grace in times of weakness. Amen. Thank you for your blog!!
There is so much in your post that I can relate to but what really struck me was your honesty about your ability to parent two children. I had never put those feelings into words for myself but I have worried about it, too. I constantly seem pulled in one direction or the other and I can’t seem to get any real projects done in my day. My kids are 3 and 7 months so my oldest can entertain herself but then I feel guilty because she is spending so much time by herself. It’s a fine balance that we walk as parents. I do feel it does get easier and we can make things better but we need to prioritize our goals as parents and do our best with our child. Recognizing our strengths and weaknesses would be the first step.
I am glad this post helped you, I know it helped me to write it! Good luck to you as well. It is definitely a balancing act!
I have been struggling with some issues managing all the things we are responsible for. I am a SAHM of 3 girls and another due in April. I have been very encouraged by another friend that wrote about Sustaining Joy:
“In thinking on this theme I was recently struck by the lines from Psalm 16:
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Joys can be found in life but much of it is difficult, uncertain, and many times seemingly mundane. Although I cannot always see them, the lines are falling for me in pleasant places, are providentially ordered, and provide me with a beautiful inheritance. The culmination of all the promises of God offers among so many other things justice, peace, and rest and in His presence, I will find fullness of joy. It won’t be the kind of joy that ends as soon as I forget to remember a milestone or good gift, but promises to carry me through ordinary days.”
I posted this on the cabinet next to my kitchen sink as that is where I often end up when I am frustrated about things. Hang in there and God will bless your endeavors as you perceiver.
I don’t have a scripture to share because the ones that have helped me over the years change over and over.
I just found it hard to get the time in The Word at all, though. My first 2 were 15 months apart and I was young, a new Christian and besides feeding my family I had to feed a wood stove 24/7 for heat (as well as chop the wood, often). I was never very successful at quiet time with God in those days. The next baby was 10 years later. I was homeschooling the olders and had just moved (2 weeks before delivery). On top of that, my baby had a hard time nursing so I was feeding breastmilk from a bottle and then pumping. It took so much time! I dropped into a spiritual ravine but I had learned over the last 13 years that if I just keep “walking through” I would come out in a new season of my life.
My last baby was 3 years later and I had matured enough to realize that I needed a plan *before* I had the baby on how to keep connected spiritually. I decided that the after-breakfast nursing time would be my Bible time. I could hold my Bible and study book on my lap (or even on my baby!) while I nursed. It worked great. I also took the opportunity to have some close-time with my 3yo. I would give him a sippy cup and cuddle him up next to me with the baby on my lap nursing. I read a children’s bible story (2 minutes at most) to him. When the story was done, I told him it was quiet-time-with-mommy&brother for a while. He got to stay next to me with some books or a toy and finish his sippy cup. It turned into a very special part of our day: I slowed down and had time with God, my sons saw the example of quiet time with God, my sons heard stories from the bible and my 3 year old learned that he didn’t need mommy all to himself to have special time with her.
So, what I am saying is find a way that works for you. It won’t look like when you had only 1 child but life is always changing, change with it. For a while your bible time might just be reading from a children’s bible to your kids. God understands and will honor your efforts and bring encouragement to you from sources you never expected. Seek the joys of motherhood and praise God for them, even through the tears of overwhelmed frustration and fatigue; I often cried when I felt inadequate to the tasks of motherhood but tried to praise God anyway for the blessings (like you did about Haiti). I claimed His promises that he had a good plan for me and not evil.
I’m beginning to ramble so I will end here. I just hope that somehow I communicated something that will give you encouragement and stimulate a plan for you to enjoy the early years of motherhood. They are so precious and those years grow us so much, in humility, spiritual scope, love and wisdom, that I wouldn’t change anything except my reluctance to see them as a blessing.
God knows who your children’s mother is; it was no mistake.
Blessings and Peace to you,
Jenny
[...] want to go to this conference. Because I love my marriage and I adore my husband. You all know that I have struggled terribly with the transition to being a parent of two. He has too. And so has our [...]
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